Sam came to school~

Sam came to school today.  He didn’t run up to me with open arms, he didn’t hug me, he didn’t in fact even greet me. He sat in his spot on the ground with the rest of the kids and pretended not to notice me.

I was looking for him, looking at each boys face to find Sam.  “Where is he?” I asked the other teachers. Why couldn’t I just pick him out of the crowd? “He’s there. In the plaid vest.” A teacher said to me.  I looked and there he was, with a new haircut and the hardest look on his face. He was pretending not to notice me.

I went over to him and tried to talk to him. He smiled for a second and then hardened his face. I didn’t get much but a “hello” from him. I didn’t know what I really expected maybe just a little bit of a warmer greeting.  It was as if he had rebuilt the hard wall around his heart even higher and stronger and he wasn’t going to let anyone in… not this time. And I had less than six hours with him.

I told myself I had time, he would warm up, maybe come around by the end of the day. I watched for an opportunity, a time that I could just play with him. It was after lunch. A couple girls and him were juggling tennis balls. “Teacher, can you?” I was like “sure…” I’m no pro but I can juggle tennis balls a couple times in a row before I drop them. J I juggled the balls a couple times, the girls were impressed but Sam just looked on with a bored expression. Then he juggled the tennis balls and put my poor attempt at juggling to shame. I asked him to come with me, I wanted to show him a picture from the week he was here at school. But he wouldn’t come. He started running, and I ran after him. I almost caught him…almost. But I didn’t and he thought that was pretty funny.  And that was it… that was as much as I got to play with him.

The rest of the day went pretty fast. I was busy, the kids were busy and before I knew it it was time for the closing ceremony. The closing ceremony for follow-ups is a little different. Each school comes up on stage, the teachers give them a bracelet and take a picture. I gave Sam his bracelet and I got a hug. Not a hug like the time he hugged me when he told me goodbye a couple months ago. But it was a hug nonetheless. We took a picture as a group and that was that.

It was the end of the day. Time to go home. The kids all lined up, got there final instructions then started to file down the walk toward the bus. Sam’s school was last and he was the last in line. All of the kids rounded the corner of the building and I grabbed Sam’s arm. “Sam, wait! Will you give me a hug goodbye?” I asked. None of the other kids were there to see and I got a hug from him… still not like the hug I remember so well from a couple months ago. But those walls around his heart had crumbled just a tiny bit. He hugged me and I told him “I love you, Okay?!” He nodded and said, okay.  I asked him to send me e-mails (he had sent me a couple e-mails) and he said okay. Then I let the him go and we both ran around the corner to catch up with all the other kids getting on the bus.

Sam slipped past all the teachers and other kids and got on the bus. I watched him as he walked toward the back of the bus. As he got to the back of the bus the bus started to leave. He got to his seat in the very back looked out the window and stuck his tongue out at me. Not in a rude way but a totally adorable cute Sam-like adorable way that made me smile. I stuck my tongue out right back at him as waved as the bus pulled away.

As I walked back into the school I felt a sadness for Sam. Whatever kind of life he is going back to is a life that makes him build that wall around his heart. I know a little bit of his life. He will go back to being physically abused. So maybe he needs that wall around his heart, but I hope and pray Sam keeps the little bit of love that he received in his heart forever and maybe one day he’ll let Jesus in.

So today I was reminded once again. It is going to take God. It’s not me and it’s not the other teachers at this school. It’s God working through us. It is my prayer every day that God can work and show love through me. But I have to be willing…. So as I walked back into the office I said to God “God help Sam receive love somewhere, somehow. And God, thanks for reminding me that you are showing your love through me.”

I’m on my way back to see my sisters, writing this on the train. Almost ten hours of train riding for me, but oh so worth it.

Thanks for reading and I hope God shows you His way is more amazing than your own way. Just like He did for me.

Song - Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer

~Lon